Beautiful

As so often happens for me, something has crept into my awareness due to repeated exposure over a short period of time. This something is poking at me and begging me to pay attention, to give it some time and thought.

Lately, over and over I hear the beloved and beautiful people in my life expressing dissatisfaction with their bodies. This dissatisfaction is nearly always about weight. I am most surprised that even women I consider to be quite thin wish they were thinner. The painful piece of this for me is learning that the people I love and KNOW to be beautiful are not feeling beautiful.

And then I found myself in those shoes, saying the very thing that had been driving me wild. I expressed frustration that despite my best efforts at developing good habits, my body is curvier than I would like it to be. My friend was surprised. She didn't know I felt that way.

I think there is something really sweet there in all of that. I see all the people I love as beautiful. And the people who love me, see me as beautiful too. I suspect that very little of that has anything to do with appearance, and nothing to do with weight. It is really about who we are and how we treat people. It is really love that makes us beautiful.

I think if we can all feel as beautiful as our loved ones know we are, it will be life-changing.

Reading goodies

• I am tempted to take a quote from this article from Teacher Tom and put it great big on my wall. These words are beautiful: 

We are, in fact, at our best when we manage to successfully override those urges to help, instruct, or otherwise guide a young person and instead give him the space and time to struggle, to practice, to come to his own conclusions. This, not our superior experience or intellect, is the great gift we have to give to children: to stop, to really see who they are right now, and be with them in appreciation and joy, loving them just as they are.

• Of course I had to read this article. The title is too fantastic to pass up: How to End Your Homeschool Year Like a Hippie. If I were cleverer, I would have called my blog How to Homeschool Like a Hippie. I love it! 

• I also like to learn about nutrition and have spent a lot of time reading The Paleo Mom the past couple weeks. A lot of good stuff there! 
• Very long, but worth reading, this article gives parents a lot to think about.
• Been having fun sewing with my oldest daughter and we got our latest project idea here. We've made four of them so far!
• I am still dreaming of full-time RVing with my family. A nice little summary of the pros and cons of such a life.

Comparison

In my life before the move, which I now refer to as "homeschooling in a vacuum", I was the only one I knew that was homeschooling the way I homeschool. I felt lonely about being the odd one on many occasions. That was the BIG and only downside to that situation. Now I am seeing that there are some benefits to that situation too. I knew our journey was going to be different from everyone we knew, so there was no reason to compare our lives to others. Because I was not living among other Waldorf homeschoolers or other Unschoolers, I was not trying to follow any particular philosophy perfectly. I was just doing what felt right for my family.

Now that we have landed in a city just full of homeschoolers, a very diverse group (by accident, if you can believe it), I get some first-hand experience with other homeschooling families. When I first got here, I envisioned that this would be HEAVENLY. I am always happier when I keep my expectations much more reasonable than that. Heavenly was reaching a bit high. I have been experiencing overwhelm instead so I have been thinking a lot about that. WHAT is overwhelming about this?

I think comparison is a big piece of it. A new friend and I were sitting in my living room and she was asking me some questions about how I work with my kids and ultimately shared some worry that what she was doing wasn't as good as what I was doing. And I had to laugh AT MYSELF because I knew that was just what I have been doing. When I look around I only see what other people are doing that I am NOT. I never see that I am doing so many cool things that all those other people are not doing because they are busy doing whatever cool things they are doing.

It is beautiful that we are all doing different cool things, hopefully the exact cool things that our very own precious children need. None of us can be doing ALL the cool things. Moving forward, I want to be inspired by the cool things I see other parents doing and add those ideas to my bag of tricks in case I should ever need those ideas in the future without feeling pressure to do all the cool things all the time. Again, I am always happier when I keep reasonable expectations.

In case you are someone who also has an occasional freak-out and wonders whether you should change everything about the way you homeschool, read Sheila's article about homeschool doubts and perhaps bookmark it for future freak-outs.

Reading goodies

• I know I said I wanted to read A Thomas Jefferson Education, and now I can say that I did read it. I love how simple this model is! Early in the book, the author describes different phases of education. I found the description of each of the phases to be completely in line with my experience with my own kids so far. The book gave me some good ideas about working with my 12 year old, as it is clear to me that he is entering a new phase of learning. I am excited about the long list of recommended classics for different age groups! There is also a "Getting Started" section at the very end which recommends that the grown up pick a classic, read it, take notes, write about it, etc. And so.......
• I am currently reading Wuthering Heights. I got out my notebook to take notes as I went along. I found it completely distracting to try to take notes and read. I guess my mind needs a single focus. The experience reminds me once again that I can get a lot of great ideas from books, but I have to always take into account that we are all individuals and different things work for different people. So I will take what works for me and leave the rest!
• Enjoyed this excerpt from another book I would like to read. More on learning--of course!
• I am really lovin' Zen Pencils! Check this one out!
• And, wow, THIS! I have had very similar thoughts.  

A vacation

Everyone knows there are no vacation days for the stay-at-home-mom. But every now and then I take some time off anyway. I don't actually go anywhere. I don't send my family away. I'm not off duty. However, I just put aside anything that can be put aside. I let the house go more than usual. I let the laundry pile up more than usual. I serve simpler meals. I pick up a good book and step into a different life for a little while.

Harry Potter had been calling my name for some time. I don't typically read a book more than once. I had read this series twice already. However, I was seriously feeling a PULL to read those books again. I tried for a while to fight it, and then I decided to read the first book. When I set out, I didn't really intend to completely check out for a week and read the whole series, but I'll have to say, I have never been able to put those books down once I get started.

It was a perfectly delicious week for me. Absolute indulgence. To devour those books, to NOT put the book down when I just couldn't put the book down, to stay up too late, to wake up too early, to live and breathe an incredible story for a week.......even though I didn't physically go anywhere, it was a true escape, a real vacation.

Stepping into Harry Potter's life for a week was a really intense experience. What real human life could compete with Harry's? I am raising four kids and he is saving the world. It's all important stuff, just very different. After my little reading vacation, I experienced a real re-entry (complete with turbulence) back to my life when it was over, just like the few times I have been physically away from my family for a few days. Re-entries are difficult partly because the house is messier than usual and the laundry pile is a bit higher than usual and partly because my mind is still a little bit on vacation, still processing the experience.

Now I am mostly back from my vacation. I have caught up with the laundry and chores. I've called my mother and reconnected with friends. I once again feel fully present when I am spending time with the people I love. Re-entry is now complete.

Mothering: an important job

I am a homemaker, a housewife, a stay-at-home mother. Sometimes I forget that my job is important. Sometimes I even neglect to think of it as a job. Certainly there are many messages out in the world that it isn't really a job if you're working in your home or your work doesn't result in monetary gain. But even though I know that I work, that my work ain't easy, sometimes I just forget that my job is important, that what I do really matters.

I usually remember that my job is important when the quality of my work suffers for whatever reason: when I am spread too thin because of some big life event, when I have had to be away for appointments, when I have been sick or injured, when I just feel like checking out for a day. These are all times when I have been made aware of my contribution to family life and how it all just breaks down when I'm not doing my job. None of us feel good, the kids are whiny, the house is cluttered, our brains are cluttered.....no one is their best self.

Though my house could always stand to be cleaner, if I am not available to do the work of cleaning it, then it becomes obvious how much cleaning I really do. Even if I have talked with everyone before I leave about what needs to be done during the time I am gone, whether it be chores, learning or breakfast, if I am not there to set the rhythm of the day, those things often don't happen. If I don't feel like thinking about meal preparation, we don't eat well and we all suffer for it. And let's not forget cuddles. If I am not around to provide cuddles, just good ol' mama love, I have some seriously fragile children.

It's not JUST when things fall apart that I am reminded my job is important. There are sweet reminders too. Seeing their faces light up when they see me, getting tackled with hugs and kisses after I've been on an errand, and knowing that NO ONE on earth can comfort my kids the way I can, these are all the most touching reminders that my work is important.

Most of my job, the things on my to-do list, look so ordinary, nothing I would put on a resume, nothing that would be impressive to most people. It often feels to me, when I look at the details, like it is just doing dishes or just reading a bedtime story or just picking up dirty socks off the bathroom floor. Or sometimes it's even just being there, holding someone's hand through a difficult time or just being available to answer all the hundreds of questions a little person has in a day. I can tell you that I do not feel the least bit important or glamorous as I am doing my life's work. It is a beautiful surprise every time I get a glimpse of how my job touches the lives of the people I live with. Those are the moments that push me to do my best work. They help me to remember that what I do is a real job and the quality of my work does matter. My work is everything to the people I live with.



On Mother's Day and everyday, I am thankful for my own mother who has always seen me and appreciated me just as I am, who has been there with me through the fun and difficult times.

I am also thankful for my grandmothers, for all the "other mothers" I have learned from over the years, and for my mama friends who inspire me.

Love to all the mothers!

What we've been up to AND Reading goodies

We spent last week visiting family and friends in our home town. We enjoyed lots of good grandparent time and friend time. We arrived just in time to see everything in bloom. We got to experience true KS weather (dramatic temperature changes, 50 mph wind gusts). We got to celebrate my big kids' birthdays (12 and 10 now--wow!). These weeks home are jam packed full of fun and love.

And this week we have been sick. Maybe no surprise there. We were anxious to catch up with our new friends, but instead we get a quiet week at home. I remember I wrote about a sick week last year. Such good memories! This week looked similar, though unfortunately no fort building. This week, from my couch, I coached my big kids on some household chores so that the household could continue running while I was down. A big advantage to having some big kid helpers! I read Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire and Peter and the Shadow Thieves for as long as my voice held out. I snuggled and helped kids with math practice. We watched documentaries on Netflix. I helped one of my littles write a book. I played games with my littles. And I coached my bigs through making homemade chocolate pudding. Sewing, drawing, sculpture, outdoor play, puzzles, extreme dot-to-dot, and other activities happened without my assistance. Again, a wonderful benefit of having kids who are growing up and no longer completely dependent on me!

Additionally, I did a bunch of reading, and I will share some of it with you:

• This is a wonderful short article about parenting through connection rather than control. If you are interested in a whole book on this topic, this is a great one.

• We always enjoy learning about artists and cartoonists at our house. Check out Mo Willems' story here and consider this quote:

"You've said that part of the reason that you write these books is that there's no such thing as a good childhood -- what did you mean by that?" Braver asked.

"It's a terrible time, a terrible time" Willems said. "We're born into a world where none of the furniture matches you. You walk into a room and the room is saying, 'You, you're nobody,' right?

"Let's say we're having a good time, right? Imagine if a giant hand came down, plucked you out of the room and said, 'No, now we're doing something else.' And if you complained it was your fault for getting fussy, for being angry about the hand dragging you out of the room."

•  I spent some time cruising around Roger Schank's blog, a blog about education reform. Lots here to think about, including this and this, but much, much more. I don't know that I agree with him all the time, but he does make me think. I also suspect he does not worry about offending people or feel concerned about what people think of him (ahem, and I do ALL THE TIME). That in itself is a bit inspiring to me.

• The book I am reading now is Quiet, by Susan Cain. I have wanted to read it since it came out. An important book for introverts, you will certainly walk away feeling validated and perhaps you will come to understand yourself better. Even if you are not an introvert, you are certainly either married to one, raising one, working with one.....something! For you, it will help you see the balance that introverts provide and help you learn how best to interact with the important people in your life.