I usually like to write from the other side of a difficult place and not right in the thick of it, so I have been putting off writing, thinking I will find that other side soon. We have been in this difficult limbo, living with uncertainty about our future. That sounds kind of silly as I type it out, because really even when we feel certain about our future, life can take twists and turns we don't expect. So for weeks, we've just been hanging out in this difficult place, waiting for this thing to unfold so we can KNOW what is going to happen. (Again, even as I write it, I know no one can KNOW what is going to happen, but that's still where we've been.)
Thankfully we are all healthy and safe, but still in the early stages of this limbo we were anxious and clearly not our usual selves. You can bet the kids picked up on that, so we added whiny, clingy, grumpy kids to the struggle. This is when I realized that it was time for me to get myself together because they needed me to and because my worrying wasn't accomplishing anything. So I got busy with the snuggling, reading, creating, playing and working of our day-to-day life. I've kept the focus on this moment and then the next, not looking too far ahead, and just loving these people I live with. So it was back to supporting my little baker girl in finding recipes and creating her own new recipes, supporting my little photographers in their birdwatching and people watching, and learning and growing along with my almost teenager who is taking me new places with regards to technology and social dynamics that weren't even possible when I was growing up.
And a cool thing has happened along the way. As I am just paying attention to each moment, I know that uncertainty is still out there, but it is becoming easier. It feels lighter and we can laugh about it sometimes. And while we wait, we are even having some fun (yes, really) considering the possibilities of what our future might hold. It has been inspiring to me to read about people who have gone to incredible lengths to follow their dreams and how to work out the details. My husband and I talk about everything from working together as a family to build our own country home and raising chickens to selling our home and everything in it so we can hit the road in our travel trailer. We talk about moving around every couple years to experience different parts of the country but we also talk about doing everything we can to stay close to home. So in all of these discussions, we began to see that we are capable of being happy in a variety of circumstances. We are finding many ways to be excited about the changes on our horizon, that there are opportunities for us in the possibilities.
So while we are not on the other side yet, we are coming to a place of (mostly) enjoying the ride.