Finding a new rhythm and giving up on our usual

When we first started talking about moving, I can tell you now that I had very unrealistic ideas about how that would actually unfold. Every step along the way has taken a lot longer than I ever dreamed. Once all the boxes were unpacked, I thought we'd get back to our usual. But I tell you what....moving is a lot of work and I think it took something out of us. We needed some time to rest and recover and then really had to begin at the beginning to establish a new healthy rhythm.


Good sleep Our whole day has shifted about two hours later. I have certainly heard much about the virtues of starting the day early, but surprisingly, the world has kept on turning. I think it started because we were all just tired from the move, but it has continued because it works for us now that my husband is working on Pacific time. We get more family time with him in the evening if we all sleep later, eat later, and stay up later.

Good food I knew we needed to transition back to home cooked healthy meals. Of course, it is all too easy during busy times to eat out or buy something at the store that requires little preparation. I, in particular, feel so much better when I eat at home and stick to whole foods. So I started putting more time and energy toward meal planning and preparation. My two big kids became interested in this and now they are preparing dinner most nights. They search for recipes, make a grocery list, and then do the evening meal preparation with very little assistance.

Exercise We started getting out every morning for exercise. In the past, that had so often not made the list because there were books to read, projects to work on, chores to do, etc. But we put it at the top of the list and we are all so happy with this change! I alternate walking and jogging while the kids ride their bikes. If I tried to run without them while they are still in bed, I would enjoy some time alone, but some of the kids may not get exercise. I would also miss out on their motivating remarks, such as their excited exclamation "OH LOOK! Mom is RUNNING!" and "Mom, your butt jiggles when you run."

Chores Our approach to chores had always been pretty informal. The kids were asked to pick up after themselves and then I would do the cleaning. Since I injured my shoulder during the move, I wasn't able to do some of my usual chores. The big kids were very willing to help me out during that time. Now that they have been trained to do certain household chores, they have continued to help out daily. And really, we have hit a point that this makes a lot of sense. The little two still leave a lot of toys out, so it is enough for them to pick up after themselves. But the big two do a lot of projects at their desks, so they have more time, energy and ability to pitch in on general household chores.

Learning Once all these other things had fallen into place, it was easier for all of us to get back to work. I started having weekly meetings on Sunday evening with my older children. During these meetings, I hear what they have been working on the previous week. I write down what I want us to work on for the coming week and what they should be working on on their own. They write down what they want to work on and get better at. All four kids get a main lesson time with me during the day. The big kids have time to work toward their own goals and all four have time for play. We set aside the evening for family time which includes dinner, chores, play, and a read aloud time before bed.

Settling in

Settling in after a move is no small thing. It has taken all our time and energy to live it, leaving nothing left for sharing. The move has also changed us and I have found myself feeling stuck about what to write in this space because it may not be my usual. That has kept me away from writing longer than I would like.

So, today I will start with an update since it has been a long absence.

Overwhelmingly, we are feeling happy to be where we are. Though we felt like adjusting to life in the big city would be hard for us small town folk, we actually really like it here. We feel like we accidentally ended up in the perfect city, neighborhood, and home for our family right now. We are having fun exploring this new city, eating at new-to-us restaurants, shopping at new-to-us shops, hiking on new-to-us trails, etc. We are having great success meeting friends. Friends really make a place feel more like home. Already we feel our horizons broadening in many ways.

I feel like I have a great many stories in my head that are ready to be written. We have been busy taking everything in and I haven't taken the time to write anything down, but it feels like we are at a point that I could begin doing that. We are in a pretty good groove now and I see an opportunity to make some time for my writing---regularly!

Geology

We found a great book at our library: Geology of the Great Plains and Mountain West, by Cynthia Light Brown. It was an enjoyable read. The information in it was easy to understand and connect to. My son enjoyed reading it with me. It has little experiments at the end of each chapter using very common household items (Warning: Be careful not to spill Epsom salts in the bottom of your oven. That was a BIG mess!). We tried several of them and the rest we just read through.

The best part for us was that we were able to connect some of our experiences from our travels and our time outdoors with the information in the book. We went back through some of our pictures to help us remember.

Waterfall at Devil's Den State Park, AR

Palo Duro Canyon, TX

Mark Twain Cave, MO

Glacial grooves, Kelleys Island, OH

Visiting the Great Lakes of Erie, Michigan, and Superior.

Rock City at Minneapolis, KS

The plains at Laura Ingalls' childhood home site, De Smet, SD

The Rocky Mountains, CO

 

Caves at Meramec State Park, MO

The kids have spent countless hours exploring the land and creek at their grandparents farm.

On the other side of our move: a lengthy update after a lengthy absence

Well, we pulled it off! We sold a house, we bought a house, we packed it all up, we made the drive, and it all went pretty smoothly!

The kids had a blast in our mostly empty house for the few days we were waiting on our furniture to show up. We grown ups did too, just imagining the possibilities. Then the furniture and boxes arrived and the mood shifted noticeably. As we were placing furniture and unpacking boxes, the realities of downsizing by 500 sq ft were fully realized. So although we thinned our belongings before the move, we had more thinning to do once we got here. After enjoying the openness for several days, we knew we didn't want to be crammed in our home with too much stuff, so we were motivated. Several weeks later we are still unpacking and still figuring out what we can live without and where to put everything else, but we are gaining on it.

I injured my shoulder the week we got here, and was in PAIN for nearly two weeks, so needed to find a doctor sooner than I'd hoped. My first experience was not a good one and I found myself experiencing my first round of homesickness, missing my awesome doctor from home, my friends, my family, etc. Thankfully the night following the day where my pain peaked and my mood bottomed out, my shoulder improved dramatically and I decided not to make a second attempt at finding a doctor for now. I also started taking many time-outs from unpacking and organizing to call home and connect with loved ones and have helped the kids do the same.

The kids and I have been out to our local library and park. I may not have a new driver's license yet, but I have a library card! :) I'm getting lost sometimes and sometimes getting from one place to another without using navigation. We're going out to eat, trying new restaurants and sometimes enjoying old favorites. Though we missed our usual holiday traditions with our families, we also truly enjoyed deciding how we might like to celebrate together and just doing whatever we wanted to do.

I have been feeling a bit disappointed about our lives getting derailed. All the plans I made about what the kids and I would do this fall, also completely derailed. I know I said I would be flexible about that, and I have been, but there is a bit of sadness about it. That sadness though has been almost completely overtaken by a sense of awe at what my children (and I) have learned instead over these past months.

No matter how busy things get, I couldn't do without some daily connection with my kids. So I snuggle up with them and ask about what they did that day. I love to hear what they're excited about! My son has been making texture packs for Minecraft, learning to use Photoshop, and making videos/art tutorials. My girl who has had a rough time learning to read, found a novel that she fell in love with and became a bookworm. She also has been sewing on the sewing machine by herself and baking with her sisters. My girl who has had almost no patience or tolerance for frustration has made an amazing shift somehow. She is verbalizing her thoughts and feelings and communicating clarity about who she is and what she wants. And my baby is so clearly not a baby anymore. She is more independent in every way. The three girls have become closer friends. I have witnessed much snuggling and tenderness between them.

All of it has made me think about learning. At the beginning of fall, I had ideas about what I wanted the kids to learn, and many of those ideas involved me sharing my knowledge and resources with my kids. But here is how I have grown these past months: I have a new respect for how much learning goes into these big life changes! All of us have had to do a lot of research to find out where to live, where to shop, how to deal with trash removal, what groups to connect with, what bugs are we finding in our shower, what plants are in the yard, and how do we get from one place to another. Besides searching for facts, we've had to emotionally and spiritually stretch to meet the challenges of leaving all that was familiar and reaching out to new people, places and situations. We have all had to step it up and be more independent and competent, more flexible and compassionate. During a time when I had very little time to read to them or even answer their questions as I usually would, it is both amazing and humbling to see what they have figured out on their own and how they have grown.

Simplicity

This week my husband was working out of town following the weekend when we learned that the house we had under contract in the city needed $20K worth of structural repairs. Ouch. My idea about keeping things simple was a good one, but this week I was single parenting and making an offer on a new house on my own. No choice about that. Just had to. Mid week sometime, some things got out of hand, my kids lost it, then I lost it. I was up half the night being pretty unkind with myself because I wasn't managing very well.

A gift that comes with age perhaps, but I do not listen to unkind words about myself for very long. I was able to realize the extreme circumstances and even feel a bit pleased that I am a very patient person and it took SO MUCH for me to lose my cool. I don't know why clarity so often comes knocking at my door in the middle of the night when I'd really like to be sleeping, but clarity is welcome whenever it comes. It eventually dawned on me that the kids and I were all missing the simplicity we usually enjoy, the simplicity that allows me to be patient and present with them.

I thought about my next two days of single parenting and made a decision. I canceled every commitment I had made. I didn't spend any time on the phone. I didn't pack a single box. We snuggled, we read, we crocheted hats, we played charades, we went out for lunch together. My only goals for those two days were to be present and patient with my kids and to like myself at the end of the day. Those are not small goals, but they are simple, and I was successful.

Late at night, after my first successful day with the kids, I talked with my husband on the phone before bed. I was half asleep during our conversation since I'd been up half the night before. That brilliant husband of mine said something like: "Remember when we talked about having you at home with the kids and how you wanted to just be available for them? They love that. You can tell, things are just right in their world when you can do that." He's right again.

**On a similar note, Glennon Melton's post this week was about how kids just want a happy mom. I loved it.

Perfecting the "polite pass"

We are making daily progress toward our move. Our strategy is to do a little packing everyday to do our best to avoid a crunch at the end. So far so good. We are trying to leave a lot of time to hang out with the people we love before we go. We want to be available to say "yes" when people ask to spend time with us.

This week, I said "yes" to three parties, grown up chats with several friends, and extra kids at my house every single day. I said "yes" to all those things and still accomplished packing and much phone calling with realtors, insurance agents, and banks. I was beginning to feel a little like what my friend, Andrea, described: my day was running me instead of me running my day.

So, I think my priorities are awesome and I wouldn't change them for anything. Making time for loved ones, being "THE" house where the kids want to BE, being able to say "yes" when a friend needs a favor, keeping life simple and low stress...all super, super important.

What I am finding is that during extreme times, sometimes all my top priorities come into conflict with one another and some decisions have to be made about what realistically can and cannot happen, while keeping in mind that I need to take care of myself as well somewhere in all of this.

I watched Hotel Transylvania with my kids recently. In the movie, Jonathan is offered a bagel with scream cheese, to which he replies "Polite pass, I am scream cheese intolerant". As a mostly food intolerant person, that gave me a giggle, but I also thought it wouldn't hurt for me to perfect the art of the "polite pass". This is a crazy busy time and I won't be able to do ALL the things I would want to do and still pull off this move.

My hope is that people continue to ask to spend time with us, that kids continue to want to be at our house, that people continue to ask me for favors AND that I continue to strive for a simple, low stress life during this busy moving/holiday season. I know I won't accomplish all of these things all the time. I hope that I can keep a clear head so that when those priorities are in conflict, I can make healthy decisions about what I can reasonably accomplish in a given week and practice the "polite pass" at appropriate times.

Reading goodies

I feel EXACTLY this way about gift giving.

More Anne Lamott. Just have to. I thought this was lovely.

We continue to read about life on the prairie here. I brought My First Little House books home from the library for my girl to read to me. She especially enjoyed the cookbook, of course.

I am now reading Three Cups of Tea, another inspiring book.

And no, we're not reading as much as I usually like us to. But we are thankful to have our house under contract and have begun a serious search for our new home. I intend to celebrate every little step along the way and have some fun with this.